Tippi's Vox

What's making you smile today?

credits: www.shinhwa10th.com + midnightgirl13 @ shinhwa.biz

Show us something you can't resist.

• I would not have lived so much of my life after my surgery waiting for the day that I got sick again.  So many times, I backed out of an opportunity because of fears about my health.  I was not sick.  Someone once told me that I lived like a sick person even though I was farely well.  Sure I had little issues and set backs but I WAS NOT SICK!  Compared to how I was before surgery and how I've been recently, those brief sicknesses were nothing.
• I would have found a way to finish school.  Yes, I dropped out that time because I lost my mother, but what about the times before and after?!  So many times I missed classes because I was tired, depressed, cold, in pain, or just didnt want to go.  If I had known how hard it is to find a job that I'm happy with without a degree, then I could have tried harder to make it. But even knowing that, there were times that I still did not make it to class.  Even knowing how I was waisting money and time, I could not find the strength to get past my depression or illness and focus.  It's hard without help.  I'm stong but sometimes not strong enough.

• I would not have put so much trust in others.  I have learned that I can only depend on others to look after themselves.  I would not let others' actions affect how I live my life and I would not wait for anyone else to help me or to give their approval.
• I would not have let him go.  I let fear get in the way of what could have been a great relationship. It was an amazing few months with him and it could have lasted forever.  I let my own insecurities about my health get in the way.  I had many opportunities to make things right but I backed away each time.  I still cherish the time we spent together and only remember those good times.
• I would not have trusted that my transfer to a new state would be easy.  I thought that a company I was with for 5 years would continue to be a place where I could grow.  I should have had a back up plan.  But who would think that they would take back my transfer?!  Who would have thought I wouldnt find another job right away?!
• I would not have taken my mother for granted.  I wouldnt have complained about driving her around, after all I wasnt working.  I would have told her more often how much I loved her.  I would have spent more time with her and thought more about her feelings.  I was going through a hard time but I didnt consider what it was doing to her.  I would have visited her more in the hospital.  My own hospital stay was still fresh in my mind and it made me so uncomfortable to be there.  I'm sorry, lady.
• I would have learned my mom's recipes.  I always thought that I had plenty of time.  Now because of my stupidity, I will never taste her recipe for chicken again.  I don't know how to bake a sweet potato pie or make her special gravy that makes liver edible.  I havent eaten a steak or potroast in 10 years because she hasnt been here to cook it. 
• I would have taken better care of myself, physically and mentally.

I'm sure there is more but what good would that be to stay up wondering about the past?  I have time starting now, to become the person that I can be proud of.  To fulfill the dreams that I have jumbled up in my head.  I just have to be confident in myself and keep taking small steps forward.  This post is my last time that I will look back.

Looking back

I've been feeling down lately although I dont have a real reason why.   I am starting to feel better, I'm out of danger of losing my job, and my debt is starting to get under control.  So why am I on the verge of crying all the time?!

A few days ago, I got this extreme feeling of homesickness and I kept picturing Florida.  When I was there for 6 years, I never felt like it was my home and I could never picture myself putting down roots there.  Heck, I didnt even fully unpack!  I think the feeling comes from missing the way things were.  When I was in Florida, I had a job that I liked, and things seemed to be going well.  Most of all, I had my health.

I know that I am wasting time thinking of the past so I will not continue dwelling on my time in Florida.  Afterall, I dont want to go back.  What I need to focus on is how to get my life here to be what I want.  I have to get healthy first.  Nothing can be done until my health is better.  It is so frustrating being at home and not even being able to clean, or hang out, or work extra to help relieve my debt.  I want to exercise to lose the weight that I gained but I cannot even walk from my home to my car without being winded and dizzy.   I just hate not having control over my life.  Back then, I had control. 

I have to be patient.  I know that life isnt supposed to be perfect all the time and I know this is not going to be forever.  I can still picture myself with my townhouse, my business, my passport ready to be stamped every time I get the urge to just go.  I know these things will happen if I just believe and have faith.  But why do I still feel so down?! 

Show us a picture of the pet you'd most like to have in your life.

Toocute

1 comment

Show us something that represents how the month of March went for you.

The-Scream-c1893-

My mom used to have this record and would play it to cheer me up.  We would sing it together.  I wish she was here right now as I need some cheering up.  

Hey Ma!  HB really was kinda good looking huh? Hehe, she had such an ahjusshi crush.

What is the last song you downloaded? Bonus: Share it with us!

I haven't downloaded it yet but I will soon.  I am so proud of Minwoo's versatility.

Credit: Celsete Fung @ imeem.com

What compliment are you most often given?

"You are so brave!"

Baka!  They know nothing!  I'm a freaking coward that has to be backed into a corner before I can start fighting back. 

Show us what you want, but can't have.

I wanna goooooooooo!!!!!!!

 Credits: Newsen and SHCJ

Shinhwa 10th

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